Dear Max,

I am so sorry to hear about your crummy weekend in the hospital. I hope you feel 100% better today and you finally get those Lego's your mom promised you. Isn't it the WORST when they say they are gonna do something and they don't do it, like, immediately? I hate that.

Don't be too bummed about Halloween. It was way overrated this year anyway. You missed nothing but a bunch of "kids" in bad store bought costumes that made me want to punch their parents for dressing them like freak baby animals and carrying queer felt pumpkins to put their candy in. I had a shopping bag and I scored big time. Or at least, I thought I did. When I got home my parents forced me to take a bath and go to bed. The nerve! The next morning I discovered that they had eaten all my candy while watching a scary movie. So unfair! If they had sex too my life is over as I know it. Gross! Forget it. Subject change.

I heard you rode in an ambulance. Was it cool inside? Was it fast? Did you have a HOT nurse? Was your dad really funny to make you feel better? I bet he was. He is always hilarious. Did you have clean underwear on?I hear that's super important but I can't figure out why.

Anyway, my mom and dad send all their love and we all are so glad you are coming home today, just in time to vote and play with your new Lego's your mom said she'd buy for you. Listen, I bet she had a really rough time this weekend being worried and scared and everything. So cut her some slack. Even if the Lego's are a little late, remember that she loves you more than anything in the whole world, except Carter which is a love equal but different, and she just wanted to hold you all weekend and make sure you were safe and not scared.

Moms, what can you do?


Love,


Otto