That is what I wear when I am cleaning. Usually no bra either. Only because I start cleaning in the early am right when I get out of bed. My tig old bitties fighting it out under a stained Life Is Good t-shirt as I sweep the kitchen. Hair pulled back in a claw clip. Are you hot yet? Yeah, Baby. Am I wearing the old turquoise velour sweatpants with the giant bleach stain on the cuff? You know it, Sweetcheeks. Just for you.
We have a service come in every two weeks to do a deep clean. I try to maintain it the best I can in between. I despise cleaning so I force myself to be diligent in the two week period before my angels come in to visit me again. I greet my house cleaners with such fervor that I frighten them. I want to learn Portuguese just so I can tell them how much I love them and their bi-weekly visits.
My mission upon entering a hotel room is to be super-best friends with the housekeeping staff. I have such enormous issues with staying in a hotel that I feel if I make nice with housekeeping they will go above and beyond to clean my room. Eradicate my room of all Strep strains and bleach away the Norovirus with a heavy hand. I silently beg them to use the cleanest of sheets and to scrub my bathroom until their knuckles bleed.
When we arrived at our resort in Disney I was most pleased to find the room in a pristine state upon check-in. I flipped back the sheets to check for evidence of bed bugs in the mattress seams. Yes, I do that. The bathroom was clean and pretty soaps were displayed in a row. I was thrilled. No bad smells, no unidentifiable stains, I was at peace. Now I needed to find housekeeping to make nice and to put a face with Ismelda, who left me the pretty pre-printed note letting me know she had prepared our room that day.
I wandered out into the hall later that afternoon in the hopes of catching them while they were doing turn-down service for that evening. I was thrown off by a woman that was standing a few doors down. She was wearing a full length baby pink dress. A bad peachy baby pink, a color that looks good on infants only. The dress had large puffed sleeves that were looming next to her ears in height. The back of her neck was hidden by a large ruffled white collar. It buttoned all the way down the back. The buttons ended at her waist that was festooned by a large white bow. I could only see her from behind. I stood there trying to figure out what this woman was wearing for a good two minutes. It was such an archaic look. It was when she turned around that I realized she was our maid. Our maid was dressed straight out of a casting call for Mary Poppins. I expected that she would be in a whacked out Disney outfit. This I was not prepared for.
All Disney hotels follow some sort of a theme. We were staying at the Grand Floridian which follows an old fashioned decor reminiscent of Alice and Wonderland before she goes down the rabbit hole. The part of the movie where she is sitting around with her sister in the tree reading books and shooting Heroin. Everyone working at the hotel wears outfits as if they were strolling down Cherry Tree Lane with Dick Van Dyke. I understand that, I get the rabid themeing of Disney. It is what makes Disney so creepily Disney.
But to make a woman who is scrubbing tubs wear a full-length Victorian gown is sick and twisted. This cannot be the dream that Walt had, could it? Mary Pickford hosing down toilets and replacing stolen shampoos? Kinky. I stared at her outfit simply amazed at the complexity of it. The gown was long and sweeping. I tired to picture her maneuvering around the beds. The frilly neck covering collar was making me itch. Have you been to Florida in the dead of summer? It's like Africa down there. The thought of her with Lysol spray in hand wiping down the sink tops in that get-up was so twisted and wrong. Must. finish. before. they. return. Sweat dripping down her back as she straightens out your bratty kids shoes. Horrifiying.
Their regular housekeeping tip was supplemented daily with extra money because I felt genuinely bad for them tripping around in those nutty outfits. I wanted them to save up enough so that they could take a walk over to the Polynesian so that they could clean toilets in a Hula skirt instead.
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