Otto’s first day of school was so miraculously normal and so wonderfully tepid that I feel like Pre-K is simply another day, another dollar. To have my big, beautiful boy say goodbye in calm tones and wet kisses instead of tears and ankle hugs speaks volumes of the school he is in, the friends that he has made, the boy he has become and the shit I am going to accomplish.
All that said I am a bit pissed off. I mean I wore a fucking blazer and cute flats today instead of the workout spandex camel toe holder pants and the unforgiving Cinnabun head that I usually do. I didn’t workout or even make a plan so my young son could NEED me, and HAVE TO have me by his side to transition and adapt to his new class. I kept my very hectic (huh hum) schedule as open as a hooker’s underwear drawer. And what did I get?
OTTO: Mommy, give me a kiss.
ME: Okay, monkey, have a great day.
Otto plants one on my lips and then sits down with a pal and starts playing with trains while I proceed to talk and loiter and stall with a mom friend while discussing the Missoni for Target typhoon that hit earlier that morning and how I am so unhip I knew nothing of the insanity that has enveloped the muffin tops of Middle America and the heroine hussies of Hollywood.
After deciding that I do not need non-absorbent Missoni bath towels, a Missoni bicycle that screams “douche bag” or a cheap knit Missoni cardigan that will look like a multi-colored dishrag after one washing Otto looks up clearly wondering why I am still in his classroom taking up all the oxygen with my incessant babbling.
Otto: Okay Mommy, you can go now. Okay?
ME: Okay. Yeah. Love you. Wow.
Did I mention he wore a KISS t-shirt, new skater sneakers and skinny jeans? For reals.